Scared
by dyingimmortal
Summary: "… the rain beat down on the roof in a sole, lonely rhythm, something prowled in the dark outside, and Leah Clearwater was scared." Leah-centric. Songfic to "Scared" by Three Days Grace.


_This was written really late last night right after I first heard "Scared" by **Three Days Grace **(the best band in the entire world, mmkay), because I decided it was a really good song and it totally seemed to fit my idea of what Leah must've felt like right after she phased. This is my first songfic ever, so it probably sucks. So constructive criticism would be appreciated, kthxbai. :D I have a really lame pun somewhere in here, too. Mm-hmm. Oh, and keep in mind that this is practically just after when Leah first phased, and she hadn't been in Sam's head for two years or so, and so she's not as bitter and tough and everything as she was in the books. And so she's a little more prone to being scared and crying and stuff. Uh. Yeah. Also, this is not in Circles 'cause it's not less than 1,000 words (dude, it's 2k+ words), the length I like my drabbles to be, and it's a songfic, not a drabble (ha). So. Review, please?_

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Leah's heart thumped.

Thanks to her new, oversensitive werewolf hearing, she heard it thump, a loud, wet pulse that seemed to echo throughout the room in time with the blood rushing through her ears.

Of course, that might have been just her imagination. Lying flat on your back in the dark, with all the lights out, blankets thrown off, skin burning, it was hard to reign in your imagination and keep it from running wild. Leah failed at that, and so run wild her imagination did.

_At night I hear it creeping_

It was raining, which only added to the fear factor. Something howled in the night―a wild animal? A member of her new _pack_? The wind? Or… something else? One of the "cold ones," the vampires, bloodsuckers, leeches, parasites she'd been told about?

_At night I feel it move_

She realized she wasn't the same anymore. She wasn't the same Leah who had slept in the same bed for the past almost-twenty years, the same Leah who had sat at the same desk in the same room, which currently looked grotesquely misshapen in the dark, the same Leah who had _lived_ here… The room, the bed, even the sheets below her body, felt different now.

_I'll never sleep here anymore_

But there was nothing different about the room. Only _she _was different.

The werewolf gene ran through the blood in her veins, her cells, her DNA. She still remembered Sam's voice, hoarse and husky, telling her that; his voice, just as she'd imagined it―what, a thousand times?―after he'd disappeared for two weeks and then came back broken and haunted, after he'd left her for her favorite cousin… "imprinting," she now knew it was called. Something to do with the werewolf genes well.

_I wish you never told me_

_I wish I never knew_

She'd just had a dream about that. No, a nightmare. It was the reason she was unable to fall back asleep now. A large black wolf had been glaring at her from the dark of the shadows in the forest. Its eyes had been red. Leah knew it was Sam, and that his eyes weren't really red, but the nightmare had portrayed them that way, and looking into those unfathomable, dark, blank pools in the dream, she'd been scared, so scared…

_I wake up screaming_

_It's all because of you_

And there was so much more to the whole "werewolf" thing, besides just the fact that she now had the ability to burst into a gigantic wolf at will, and when she got too angry… she had to control her temper. Something she'd never been good at.

Now, apparently, every time she was a wolf, her thoughts would be heard. By everybody. In the pack. Who was a wolf at that current time. And that included Sam.

_So real, these voices in my head_

Sam, the leader of the little "pack" she was now in. So _that_ had been why he'd disappeared for two weeks. No wonder he'd looked so drained, so dead after he'd come back…

And then he'd imprinted on Emily.

_When it comes back, you won't be_

_Scared and lonely_

Now he had someone to share his fears, his worries, his life with. And that someone was not Leah.

_You won't be scared, you won't be_

_You won't be scared and lonely_

Now Leah was condemned to the same fate, and she did not have someone to share it with. Sam had Emily. Sam could deal with the pressure, the requirements for his job. Leah could not, and now she had to see his… _fulfillment_… every day, in his mind.

_You won't be scared, you won't be lonely_

It was like a living nightmare.

The wind shrieked again outside, rustling and whipping through the trees. Rain pitter-pattered still, soft, darting footsteps, hitting the ground without a care in the world. Leah thought she could detect something else creeping out there, something coming to get her…

_I know there's something out there_

_I think I hear it move_

Her heart thrummed again in what seemed to be fear, and her pulse throbbed. Leah touched it, gently, willing herself to calm down, and marveled yet again at how hot her skin was, not to mention how hard it was to kill her now. It was such a strange feeling, running around on temperatures that should have killed her, nearly indestructible, and it only served to make her feel alive, more alive than she'd ever felt in her life, but it wasn't a good thing…

_I've never felt like this before_

Yet again, she cursed her blood, her body for doing this to her. It was the damn werewolf genes. Genes she'd gotten from… her father, apparently…

_I wish you never told me_

_I wish I never knew_

Her father. He'd seen her change into a wolf and had died from the shock. A heart attack.

It was _her_ fault her father was dead.

_I wake up screaming_

_It's all because of you_

_It's your fault, _a nasty little voice in the back of her mind whispered. _Your fault your father died. He could've lived longer, but you killed him._

"No," Leah whispered back, but her voice sounded weak and unconvincing, even to her own ears. "He… they said he had a bad heart…"

The voice sounded amused at her pathetic attempt to defend herself. _You can't really believe that. It's just your fault, Leah Clearwater. It's your fault. Your fault._

_So real, these voices in my head_

It was her fault her father was dead, and now she had been properly punished for it. No more boyfriend, except an ex who loved her ex-favorite cousin _(and she loved him back)_, no more private thoughts, no more girl friends because she couldn't keep a healthy relationship with them when she couldn't even tell them the truth, a body that had betrayed her…

Sam was good. He was the alpha. He was the leader of the pack. He protected innocents. He didn't deserve any punishment, and he hadn't gotten any.

_When it comes back, you won't be_

_Scared and lonely_

_You won't be scared, you won't be_

_You won't be scared and lonely_

_You won't be scared, you won't be lonely_

_No. _Sam had left her. He'd broken her heart―no, he'd pulled it out of her chest, stomped on it a few times, and then thrust it back in. He deserved at least _some_ punishment… but he hadn't gotten any. Fate was cruel and unfair.

"It's all _your_ fault, Fate," Leah said out loud into the menacing darkness of her room.

_It's all because of you_

Why did Fate have to write her life story like this? Why did Fate have to _tell _her life story like this? It probably had an audience, too, thousands of little minions called Misery and Grief and Sadism and the like, all laughing and jeering at poor little _(not so little anymore: she was a freakishly tall werewolf now) _Leah Clearwater down there on earth, poor little Leah Clearwater who had gotten the short end of the stick in the long run.

_I wish you never told me_

_I wake up screaming now_

She didn't deserve this punishment. Yes, she had killed her father, but there were plenty of murderers and rapists and arsonists and thieves and hell, bloodsuckers out there who lived happy, rich, successful lives. Why did _she_ have to be punished so grievously when _they_ were free?

_So real, these voices in my head_

_ Your fault, Leah Clearwater, your fault, _the voice in the back of her mind whispered again, and Leah could've sworn it was Fate itself.

_So real, these voices in my head_

She saw the giant black wolf with the red eyes in her mind again, and choked back a sob. Why did she have to see these things? Why did she have to _know_ these things?

_I wake up screaming now_

_I wish you never told me_

_I wish I never knew_

Leah realized she was more scared than she'd ever been in her life before, and that included when she'd first phased, disoriented and lost and confused and wondering why she'd just seen her father staring at her in shock and horror and why there was dozens of shouting voices in the back of her mind…

_Scared and lonely_

Back then, it had just been confusion. She'd been too confused to feel anything other than… confusion.

_You won't be scared, you won't be_

Now that three days had passed, three days of confusion and hysteria and explanations, the fright had caught up with her.

_You won't be scared and lonely_

That was all Fate allowed her. Three days of grace.

_You won't be scared, you won't be lonely_

And now it was over, the rain beat down on the roof in a sole, lonely rhythm, something prowled in the dark outside, and Leah Clearwater was scared.

_Scared and lonely_

_You won't be scared, you won't be__  
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_You won't be scared and lonely  
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_You won't be scared, you won't be lonely_

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_**"Scared" **by _**Three Days Grace**


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